True, we have to stop our impulse to flee, again, at least it will not be us who will be responsible for the break up of our marraige, nor will we be doing wrong in the eyes of God if we do head for the big D. We can only pray for our spouses to wake up.
Nina, I will continue doing DB techniques, not sure though which ones. I think that this outcome actually did come from doing it in the first place. Had I continued what I was doing (all the begging, pleading, making him feel guilty, crying in front of him, falling apart under his gaze) I would have drove him away from me, made him angry at me, and OW would probably never feel guilty because she would have perceived him as running away from a marriage that had fallen apart. Instead, he became unsure because with me not getting angry, with me being supportive, reasonable and logical after learning DB, he could not leave anyomore. the decision became harder because he couldn't find a reason to hate me, I am guessing. At first he said it was all my fault, later he started admitting his guilt and stopped talking about my shortcomings.The only thing is that all of this is subconscious. He is a very smart, educated person, but I think it makes it harder for him to come around because he made himself believe that he is RIGHT, he is stubbornly clinging to the concept that our marriage , being based on friendship first, does not have the right foundation and is lacking in romantic love. My challenge is to really make him consciously admit and believe that he does love me and our family, so we can move on.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
