Until she can see her codependency; her contribution to the the M trouble; her OWN issues; and her R patteerns; there will be nothing for us to "piece' back together into a NEW M.
DB,
You appear to be saying that you could forgive your wife, if she is willing to meet your conditions. I recently asked myself that question: "under what condition(s) could I forgive my wife." My conclusion was different from yours. I have already forgiven her, unconditionally.
I arrived at this conclusion after some internal debate. For me, there were no conditions that I could impose that would ever make me ok with what happened. It helped me to work the logic backwards. I rephrased the question, "What would I accept in advance, for me to agree to my wife's affair?" The answer was clear: I wouldn't agree to pimp-out my wife for anything.
Would you come to the same conclusion, DB, if you asked yourself the same question? Could you agree, in advance, to her having an affair, if she first met your list of requirements?
Yet you are here (like the rest of us) willingly, working on your relationship with your wife (aka working on yourself to influence your wife's decision to work on your relationship). Call it what you like; the point is, you have, in your heart, already decided to forgive her or you wouldn't be here. Perhaps, your conditions are standing in the way of your goals.
Thank you for clarifying your "threesome" remark; it helped me to better understand your comment. No hard feelings.
