I wasn't suggesting you were participatingin a threesome.
I was telling you (agreed, a little harshly) that you don't have a "marriage" to repair as there are three people in it.
If it helps, I recently came to the conclusion (after I nicely helped her load out all her possessions so she could move in with OM) that "competing with" or "trying to out OM the OM) is not what I am after.
I do not wish to be compared or in a competition for my own wife.
It is clear to me that I need to do what I need to do to repair what I can about my contributions to the "disintegration/dysfunction" in the marriage for ME!
My next R or M will be so different. And that could be with my W or not. Nobody knows that answer yet.
Your W (like mine) has made a decision to move on to someone else and chose them over you. However, I do not wish to be the safety net so she can simply move back/change her mind. This sets a bad precedent.
her choice/decision (as I've stated "no open marriage") is now to choose between OM and NOT OM. Only if she can choose to see the unhealthiness of THAT R can she be in a position to make a clear decision to prefer ME over single. Changing beds is NOT a healthy personal decision.
Until she can see her codependency; her contribution to the the M trouble; her OWN issues; and her R patteerns; there will be nothing for us to "piece' back together into a NEW M.
The old M is dead. It diddn't work. She needs to SEE that a new R with you will NOT be the one she chose to leave.She needs to see (and it appears your W is beginning to ) that YOU will not be the same husband either.
Only she and the IC can make this happen.
I've seen it far too often that 'early piecing' is a miserable failure. Not enough time, space and change has occurred in EITHER partner.
I'm sorry you felt offended by my earlier commented. That was NOT my intention.
