I think its over help pls

[blue2010]

The background on the "place" it started as a second ownership for her that we could possibly rent in the future because she just needed the space. She can't see renting because there are some purchases that are the same monthly cost. I am avoiding the argument. A purchase this time of year can take 3 months.She said she didn't want to end up with us hating each other this was probably 6 weeks ago. She has never said she is done with our M. She is an emotional mess. I keep subtly reminding her I AM HERE. like a rock.
She has never actually asked for a seperation or divorce, when i did ask if that was what she wanted she never would answer. I took everyones advice and put those words away.
She is taking baby steps towards a real seperation. I will not ask for the divorce she wants it she can ask I will not make that easy.
She is still taking care of business I am keeping an eye on everything.
I will fight harder to fix it my children deserve that, as messed up as this is, this marriage deserves it.
Her sister knows the story and confronterd OM according to OM spouse. OM Spouse said he was going to send a NC text because he does not like letters that may have been last nights one way txt. I will be following up.
If I had told my W no don't go look at places that would have made her want to look more. So when she said she was going i said in my supportive friend voice, you know where I am if you need anything. She had a slightly surprised look on her face. I have come to realize through everyones feedback and all my reading a better way to act so I thank you all. I have read about validation.
This could have been me in her shoes.
She knows I do not want her to move out my IC knows that our MC knows that, i did tell her but you need to do what you need to do and I can't stop you. That seemed to take some wind out of the sail.

DO I tell her to stay somwhere else? Or Just not discourage it when she decides to. I also want her to be reminded that her family wants her here. There is a whole lot of I miss mommy starting. But If I tell her that I am using the children against her according to my W.
I sometimes write what I need to say because when I actually say it I miss points or it comes out wrong.

Time will tell. It's nice out, cold but nice I should close this computer for the day and take the kids outside maybe ring up some lights.