I had an emotional melt down today and said I hated my husband and that he was an idiot. What had happened was that my kids were having normal sibling rivalry as we were putting up the tree. This whole thing has been tough for my son and he has been more difficult to manage as a result.
So, I was trying to discipline him for being mean to his sister and ended up asking my husband for support. He began to try and reason with our son. In doing so, he brought up that in the past putting up the tree has always been an stressful issue and perhaps we needed to step away from the tree. I lost it. My reason is this. He was the one who seemed to always have a problem with it. I and the kids were always happy and excited to put the tree up. My husband was the one who just for whatever reason would not participate and had a negative and critical attitude about it.
Finally, one year he did participate. He took over full control and it had to be his way. He threw away old decorations that I had collected and said he didn't like them. I was hurt. Anyhow, I didn't make a big deal of it as I was happy he was participating.
This year, as things are not going well, he is not participating at all. Fine. I can accept that. However, when he brought up the past and tried to connect it to me and the kids, I said "NO". I told my husband if my son was misbehaving and unhappy about the putting up the tree it was because he had been a bad role model for our son. Although I lost it, I knew I needed to leave and did so quickly.
After I cooled down, I came home and apologized to my kids and my husband. I expained to my son and daughter I was not angry, only disappointed at them for fighting, but that I was most angry at their dad -who was sitting there- for comparing their fight to his own past behavior and attitude about Christmas. The two issues had nothing to do with one another. Anyhow, he said he is moving out in January and is serious about family/marriage counseling. I think we all need it too. - Crap, I am taking several back steps to just make 1 step forward.
So, he wants to go through EAP as therapy is free through his job. Anyone have any suggestions about a good therapist who takes EAP and is a DB in Aurora, Colorado or nearby?
Although I struggle with whether or not I am insane for holding on and praying, I still want my marriage. He left for the evening, because my blow out took him by surprise. He was upset and to my surprise actually did give me a hug goodbye. Perhaps the X-Mas music in the background was a bit too much and he was moved.
Please help me get my loose nuts and bolts together here.
M= 10 years H= 35 W= 39 D= 10 S= 12 Bomb dropped Oct. 27th EA= April OW=35
M = 10.5 years H = 35 W = 39 D = 10 S = 12 SD = 19 Bomb Dropped = 10/27 EA = April
