The first time I used LRT I actually didn't come home at all. I didn't call either. When I came home I acted casually and on a much happier note than I had been before. He asked about my whereabouts. I let him know I was just out with friends. He got angry and asked several more times. I finally told him where I was. That morning he was upset and stayed on the couch with his arms crossed. I was initially crying all the time and trying to get my husband to speak or even just listen to me. Over the next week I changed my attitude and approach by not crying and doing my best to smile, refusing to discuss our marriage, -including our children, because that always led to discussing our marriage, I stopped telling him I loved him, leaving notes about statistics of divorce, and I began taking care of me by going to the gym and going out with friends ect.
It has only been two weeks since I began the technique, but like I said, he was initially unwilling to go to marriage counseling once he asked for the divorce. After using the LRT, it took only a short week for him to change his mind. I still struggle with being happy, but am doing my best. It has been about 1 month since he dropped the bomb.
I think he likes the OW because she has always kept an open door policy for him. He dated her when we were separated and I was pregnant with our first child. When we reconciled, he just stopped talking to her and gave her no closure. He pursued contact when we were in our 4th year of marriage, with my naive consent. As the friendship looked and began to feel like an affair I asked him to end it. After about three months he did. However, she pursued him in April and they started talking again. So, she is just always there. My husband has made it apparent in his actions and words that there is something more he wants and from her. He just won't give her up and she just won't disappear. He says there just friends, but if he won't let her go, isn't it apparent that something else is there. I don't need to convince myself. I've seen other things that show his desire for her. My husband has told me before, he wanted to marry her, but couldn't because I was pregnant. She is attractive, educated, intelligent, and single and has no children.
I think somehow, I've been made out to be a bad guy and her, the good guy. I feel like I am the one who somehow interfered in what could and maybe should have been for them. I hate admitting that, but its how I feel.
P.S. I will NOT show him the DB or DR books. Those are my secrets. Thanks for the advice.
M= 10 years H= 35 W= 39 D= 10 S= 12 Bomb dropped Oct. 27th EA= April OW=35
M = 10.5 years H = 35 W = 39 D = 10 S = 12 SD = 19 Bomb Dropped = 10/27 EA = April
