Starting again...

[evolve35]

Gdub-
I am posting this on my site as I don't want to take the chance of offending anyone on yours.
This is a crazy hour for me to be thinking about your sitch but I had to go in for an emergency and felt compelled to write this. Take it for whatever you want, I don't need a response.

You are on the verge of making a huge decision in your life, that much we can all agree on. You have a W willing to do at least something in the way of working things out...she hasn't completely closed the door on things anyway. These boards are great to have so many people to support us. I, for one, have found much of the advice to be really helpful. However, this is advice from non-experts (unless I am mistaken...) no matter how good it may seem. No matter who it is from. No matter how similar their situation has seemed to your own.

You have come so incredibly far on your own it is amazing. It is amazing what you have accomplished and for as long as you have... you are going to heaven. But, when do you finally unload some of this burden? When is it time to get expert advice from someone trained specifically in helping couples get through this and worse.

I totally get the fear of seeing someone that could make things worse. I get that. As a professional in a health profession I can attest that we are not created equal. There are plenty of other doctors in the hospital that I would not allow to touch my patients. Make a wise choice to the best of your ability.

I found it very hard to listen at all objectively to my H and not factor in what I know about him, what he knows about me etc. over even small things sometimes on a day-to-day basis. With something this large, I think an unbiased 3rd party could do wonders to help sort things out. I think most of our marriages ended up in the state they are in by things that are left unsaid, but maybe even more importantly, by unsettled things that we haven't even identified within ourselves, or they themselves. We can listen to them and try to change the things they have complained about. I think we can do 180's forever. But really, until we understand why we/they complain about the things we/they do, we'll never be able to solve problems permanently.

I feel like you are in a unique (on these boards anyway) position to make a major, hopefully permanent, step forward. At the very least, you can say you tried everything if it fails.

You can lead the horse to the trough... which you have done VERY effectively against crazy odds I might add ...just maybe an expert can help you BOTH see how nourishing and necessary the water is