This evening I feel peace. I really will be OK either way this goes. I am so thankful this happened before we got pregnant (were thinking about March '11). If God doesn't give us more than we can handle, maybe He knew I might not be able to handle that. Because, I truly believe, this was going to happen no matter what. My H looks for happiness outside of himself. I can't fix him. Maybe he will one day fix himself, but I suspect that won't happen until his next A. Maybe not even then. I dodged a bullet in some ways. I feel thankful... that sounds odd, huh?
I actually feel happiness right now. For some reason, earlier I was again dwelling and regretting times I yelled at him or was rude. But you know what, I am not perfect. I will never be perfect. I hope to become a better person with a better focus on my R and what is important and what is less important (work). I have that in me and I deserve someone that can have faith in me to make the changes I need to make.
One thing I know I must be careful of in the future: choosing a partner that is sooo needy. What is it about me that chooses someone like that? I think the answer is obvious and this is where my real work begins.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
