Albuquerque living part 2: Road to recovery?

[Albuquerque]

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and hope you non-Americans just had a good week!

More journaling,

Didn’t ask H if he was joining us for Thanksgiving until Tuesday. He said yes. I did the planning and shopping. It’s been awhile since I’ve done that since he did the cooking for the last several years. I made no assumptions and just assumed that I’d be doing all the cooking.

H showed up to the house right as I was about to prepare the turkey to go into the oven. I had also realized I was missing an ingredient for the stuffing right at the same time. He was nice enough to take care of prepping the turkey while I ran to the store before it closed. The rest of the cooking went OK. D and I worked on the cooking while H was on the phone with his mom. Unfortunately, D ended up burning her hand near the end of the preparations. This was her first year making the stuffing and she was looking forward to it. But the burn was bad enough she needed to sit it out, leaving H to pick up the slack and he did so with gusto. In fact, he kind of went a little overboard in trying to make sure everything was going to be ready at the same time so that nothing got cold. At one point, as he was helping me juggle all the pans, he said “I miss this!”, meaning he missed the joys of cooking for many people.

Dinner was great and as most of you, we ate way too much. We then settled down and watched a movie on the couch where H was very openly snuggly with me. At the end of the night, we both said good night to D and we chilled on the couch a bit longer. As has become common, one thing led to another and we ended up in the bedroom. This time, I made sure NOT to ask anything that could remotely lead to R talk. That was a success. And for the first time, H actually said that he wouldn’t have a problem staying overnight. Unfortunately, he hadn’t brought any extra clothes, toothbrush, contacts, or his sleeping meds. As he was leaving, he said something about needing to talk about starting the moving back in process (but he was kind of vague). So he bid me a nice goodnight and thus ended a great Thanksgiving.

Now that I’ve told the main story, I’d like to mention a few odds and ends that have happened. First, he has told his mother that “Things were looking up and that everything would eventually work out”. I was surprised at that since we still haven’t openly said anything to D although she HAS to have noticed that we are snuggle buddies now. In fact, he’s talked to his mom about us going on a cruise with his family next summer. Second, he’s mentioned a few times that it’s starting to bother him that he is acting like I am kind of his f*** buddy. He said “you’re more than that so we need to start acting that way”. I agreed but didn’t really ask what he meant by that. This appears to be moving forward at the speed of molasses (which can be maddening at times) but at least things are moving forward.

Another interesting thing that I noted was that on Thanksgiving, D and I were talking about wanting to see the new Tron movie when it comes out. H stated that we should rent the old Tron and watch it in preparation for the new one. D and I informed him that we had already done so recently. H seemed genuinely in shock and hurt that we had done that without him. SERIOUSLY. He even said (kind of joking but I know there was some truth to it) “I think that’s gonna make me cry”. He was shocked. I felt like saying “if you’re not here then you’re not here!”. But I refrained from saying anything other than we were both willing to re-watch it (which is true).

Lastly, I mentioned about a month ago that H had turned of his FB. Well he turned it on yesterday. I didn’t realize this until today. Once I realized it, I went to his page and was greatly disturbed to see the OW on his friends list. I guess since she was a frequent poster, she shows up on the main page. I know that when he turned it off, she was a friend and he hasn’t had a reason to mess with it till now. But I admit it bothered me. Still does. I guess I’ll just watch and see if she remains on the list. He’d already mentioned before that he felt it would be OK to remain friends with her and I said, in no uncertain terms, I had a BIG problem with that. As much as I feel like telling him I would prefer he defriend her, I will not do so. I will watch and observe. I would much rather see him make that move on his own rather than make any waves right now.

As much as I am pleased with my H coming back, I admit I have great concerns over his growth. He seems to have stalled. Not sure if he’s still seeing his IC or not. I will probably ask him when I discuss D’s IC appt with him. H still has some really big issues he needs to overcome. He has a combo workaholic/slacker issue that is still quite apparent. He gets distracted and can often spend hours reading websites, watching videos etc rather than getting anything productive done. Then, when it comes time to spend family time, he can’t since he’s in catch up mode. He had told me he planned to do a bit of scuba diving this weekend in preparation for getting D scuba certified next weekend. I know he didn’t go today because he was in catch up mode. What he doesn’t know I know is that he spent 5-6 hours yesterday watching Netflix streaming. I have great doubts he’ll manage to get himself to the scuba site tomorrow either. His problem persists. What will no longer happen though is that D and I will not be dragged down. If we have plans, we will keep them and hope he can make it.

Currently spending the weekend 3hours from home. D has shown sudden interest in drum and bugle corp color guard so she's learning the ropes at a weekend camp. Sounds like she's actually enjoying herself so I'm elated. Either she's finally found a calling, or her AD meds are starting to work or both. Either way, this is a good thing!