How do I deal with now he's overseas?

[Piano]

Fullmoon, good to hear ya!
I think being back in communication is what did it,plus the regrets over the past, fear of future. We all just want to be loved, don't we?
I am working on

- my anger
- my fear
- my communication
- myself-pity
- generating my own happiness
- thinking before taking action. ie.not reacting.

got a long way to go.....

[gatsby11]

Hey!

Did you have fun at the beach?

I like the idea of finding your voice.

Just a few random thoughts; might only pertain to my sitch, though:

Because I keep coming back to the idea that a man who leaves a woman like my H left me, is a cruel, cruel man and my problem is that I am still hanging on to our old relationship which is dead.

+ It IS a cruel, cruel act to leave a pregnant wife (esp for another woman). This is an H you don't want!!
+ Your old relationship IS dead and probably was before you (or any of us) realized it. (Or learned about it at bomb-time, as it were.)
+ In order to create a NEW relationship with this man we call WH, he will need to grow up and recognize the error of his act. (And we hope it is so!)
+ (I personally don't think there's anything you can do to really prompt him to grow up. But I suppose if he has grown up, there are ways that you can show him you're receptive to him. I would wait 'til he showed changes before I went bo-peep, BUT THAT'S JUST ME! I didn't write a book, and I could be soooo wrong.)

And on a little different note,

I do believe in not jumping in to a new relationship and repeating old mistakes. This is what I think I've learned since my bomb and what I hope I keep through the rest of my life:

+ Relationships ALWAYS need working on.
+ Don't skip birthdays and holidays (esp Valentine's Day!)
+ Recognize issues in the relationship AND take steps to fix it (and don't shy away from therapy!)relatively quickly
+ Share activities
+ But still keep your own friends and interests

Oh and

+ If your spouse comes to you and wants to do a separation WITH therapy, jump at it.



Well, P, I guess that's it for now. Thanksgiving was fun this year, we went back to my home state. (And met up with STBXH's grandparents, gotta love 'em!) It's not bigger than Christmas, at least in my opinion. But it is second place for sure! With Halloween or Easter third, depending on your religious preference.

[Piano]

G, like your list, and happy thanksgiving! Good to hear it's no bigger than Christmas..I love Christmas..bit of a bummer H dropped the bomb 2 days after Christmas...ugh. How were STBXH's grandparents? Did they say anything?

As for our H's (or STBXH's), we need the divorce so this marriage ends and a new start - whereever and with whoever - can happen.

Crap behaviour (leaving a pregnant wife) is not permitted in the next marriage!!!