Hi Angel

You are doing really well and I can see that you are growing and getting stronger all the time.

I'm no fan of the tough love position some advocate - but I also think it's reasonable to have some boundaries around yourself to protect yourself and to demonstrate to your H that you are respecting yourself.

Does it hurt you when he talks about OW? I'm not sure if it's OK for him to talk about how he's feeling about OW withdrawing.

If it were me and my H was talking to me about that stuff, I think I'd give him a big hug, hold him out in front of me by the shoulders and with a confident and loving smile say "Gorgeous man, you know I love you and you know I want to save this marriage. There are a lot of things I’m tolerating at the moment, but listening to you talk about OW leaves a bad feeling in my tummy and a dirty ringing in my ears. How about you deal with that stuff that has nothing to do with me and you know where I am when you’ve figured it out. Oh, and by the way, you asked about depression, why don’t you call the GP and make an appointment to get some advice on drugs or counseling that’s available. The Drs number is in the teledex.”

Then I would lovingly enforce that boundary. If he brings it up again, remind him that you’re not comfortable talking about OW and leave the conversation with a confident smile.

You don’t have to throw your spouse’s clothes on the front lawn to make a point. You can lovingly put boundaries around what you are prepared to accept – then enforce those boundaries.

Take care and be strong.

V


V

Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.