When I had lunch w/ H a few days after my M died, I gave him a copy of her obit. He asked about my travel plans for the services, and I freely gave them to him. He then uncomfortably mumbled that, well, he didn't have to care for our dog while I was gone anymore. It seemed to me that he suddenly realized that he needn't or shouldn't have asked about my plans.
A week or so later, I learned that H had written a thoughtful condolence letter to my B and SIL (and, I learned this week, to my other B as well), and in an email to H about other matters, I passed along their thanks at their request, and added my own.
Fast forward to 10 days ago. H emailed about our shared seat at an event last weekend "Will you be in town for this?" If he had remembered our convo, he would have realized that I would be leaving for my M's funeral. I admit I was a bit hurt, but I responded simply "No, I will be out of town." Two nights later -- the night before I left -- he texted about a matter, and we bantered back and forth a bit. Again, no mention of my trip, and it seemed that he had forgotten.
So I left without H's usual "safe travel" message, met Ds there, and buried my M. Ds left, and I stayed for T'giving. TG afternoon I received an email addressed to me and both D's wishing us a Happy TG "under the circumstances." This was the first time since our S 2 years ago that H addressed anything to the 3 of us together. I merely note it. He did not forget about my trip, only the details, and at least he thought kindly of us for a moment or two. I replied simply "Thank you."
Beginning of reconnection? Maybe, maybe not. I am not assuming, expecting, analyzing, concluding or anything else. It is what it is and that's all that it is (apologies Popeye). I have plans with Ds for Christmas, my B and SIL have invited me to join them at their winter home in January, and I have 3 other trips already planned for 2011. And then there's D's wedding, which will be a trip of its own LOL. Much to look forward to. Hope to keep up this PMA. Roller coaster indeed!
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
