Originally Posted By: Chrys
because it's not fair to me.. then it got ugly, again..


What did you expect? Him to understand your pain? Your POV. If you fight someone they will defend themselves.

Hurt people. Hurt people. Both of you are hurting and it won't get better until someone stops.

I have to assume you are the sane one here because you are here.

Originally Posted By: Chrys
How is there any possible reconciliation when it gets to this point ?


There won't be unless there is change. Tragedy is a catalyst for change. Up to YOU what you decide to do with it.

Originally Posted By: Chrys
all i want is to desperately have my husband back


At any cost? Look there is something wrong in your M. Some of it has to do with you.

And THAT

Is the ONLY part you control.

There is an opportunity here for you. To change things that got to going wrong with your M.

Got to going wrong with you. And you CAN do something about that

BUT first

Originally Posted By: Chrys
it's very hard when i'm this emotional.


You have to detach. Emotions don't solve problems. It is a bad place to make choices from.

Originally Posted By: Chrys
I've been trying to look my best every day, take care of myself, be more aloof and then it takes one outburst to ruin all the hard work.


Stop attaching your changes to outcomes. He will see a new you if they are real.

Our spouses know us better than anyone I would bet and when they see things change they don't believe it.

You have to change for YOU or it won't stick. They will see it as a trick ...

Chrys you can do this. You are here so I know you have strength and desire,

You will need all that and more to push this through.

One thing you must reconcile pretty quick:

What are you prepared to do for your M if you are not guaranteed it will be saved?

My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am