Don't be surprised that you don't have much to post. As things move forward, you will find you need this board and all of us who have followed your sitch less and less. For a time, we play the role of lifeline...the thing that keeps you from going insane, the thing that helps you avoid doing something stupid, the thing that reminds you that you are not alone.
But that doesn't last forever. As you continue to adjust (and, ultimately, embrace) your new life, you will one day find that...like kikisum and the many others we've come to know...you simply don't need us anymore. That sounds sad, but it's not. It means you have made it. You may still wander around here a bit like me, but you will come here not for yourself, but for others.
As for my "drive-bys" (as you put it), I do keep up with your sitch but have learned over the years that one needn't comment on everything. If I have no salient comment to make or others have done so as well or better than I could, I simply stay silent. However, that doesn't mean I'm not paying attention. Keep up the good work.
NL:
Please...start your own thread. I remember the difficulty in doing that back when I was first lurking on the boards. I don't know if you feel this way, but for me, I hated to make that first move because it seemed to legitimize my situation. Once I created that thread, it seemed to make the whole thing just too real. However, I did and I'm glad I did.
At the risk of getting dinged by the mods, I have some perspective I'd like to share with you that may be of value to you (though you may not care to hear it). I say perspective, not advice, because in most areas I don't think men can successfully give women advice (or vice versa)...but they can give valuable perspective. I'm sure there are others that would offer their ideas as well but, like me, may be reluctant to hijack IR's thread. If you start one up, I'll be there (though that may be as good a reason as any NOT to).
Speaking of mods, I have also been dinged in the past. When I first started here, this was the one place to go where you got the straight scoop. No sugar coating. While everyone else was stroking your ego, if you really wondered what the deal was, this was where you came. The term "giving you a two-by-four" was well-used and in most cases, necessary. No one was being cruel...just honest and straightforward. It is unfortunate that the mods seem to have confused mean with honest and inappropriate with uncomfortable.
Ironically, this seems to be in direct opposition to Ms. Weiner-Davis' own philosophy. She speaks at length about useless therapists who spend their time rehashing your past and telling you that whatever it is you're doing is the right thing. If you want your ego stroked, therapists that will take your money and tell you want you want to hear are a dime-a-dozen. Having a place with straight talk is not only necessary, it is strikingly rare.
I appreciate the concern that clear talk may scare away those that are not ready to face their issues. However, when you are in denial about reality, the unvarnished truth is often the only thing that can snap you out of it. They used to say, "Give 'em hell, Harry" (Truman, former US President). When once asked by a reporter about it after he had left office, he said, "I never gave 'em hell. I just told them the truth and they thought it was hell." It's a sad day when the truth cannot be spoken for fear someone may find it uncomfortable.
OK...I'll get off my soapbox now. IR, hang in there, you're doing great. NL, it's good you're here. Don't make the mistake of figuring that making some kind of decision...even if it's wrong...is better than making no decision at all. Sometimes the best advice is, "Don't just do something, sit there."
