From "Codependent No More," by Melody Beattie: Detachment Ch. 5 (summarized)
"Detachment is not detaching from the person whom we care about, but from the agony of involvement." -Al-anon member
Attachment Attachment is becoming overly-involved, sometimes hopelessly entangled. Attachment can take several forms: *We may become excessively worried about, and preoccupied w/a prob or person *we may graduate to becoming obsessed with and controlling fo the people and probs in our environment *we may become reactionaries, instead of acting authentically of our own volition *we may become emo'ly dependent on the people around us *we may become caretakers to the people around us
The probs w/attachment-can keep us in a state of chaos and the people around us in a state of chaos. If we're focusing all our energies on people and probs, we have little left for the business of living our own lives. It overworks us and underworks them. It doesn't solve probs, it doesn't help them, and it doesn't help us. It is wasted energy.
"If you believe that feeling bad or worrying long enough will change a fact, then you are residing on another planet with a diff. realitiy system." Dr. Wayne Dyer
Worrying and obsessing keep us so tangled in our heads we can't solve our probs. Whenever we become attached to someone or something, we become detached from ourselves. We lose touch w/ourselves. We forfeit our power and ability to think, feel, act, and take care of ourselves. We lose control.
Worrying, obsessing, and controlling are illusions. They are tricks we play on ourselves. We feel like we are doing something to solve our probs, but we're not. Many of us have reacted this way with justifiably good reason. We may have lived with serious, complicated probs that have disrupted our lives, and they would provoke any normal person to become anxious, upset, worried, and obsessed.
Out of habit, some of us may have developed an att. of attachment-of worrying, reating, and obsessively trying to control. Maybe we have lived with people and through events that were out of control. Maybe obsessing and controlling is the way we kept things in balance or temporarily kept things from getting worse. And then we just kept on doing it. Maybe we're afraid to let go, b/c when we let go in the past, terrible, hurtful things happened.
Some of us may not even be aware we've been holding on so tightly. Some of us may have convinced ourselves we have to hang on this tightly. We believe there is simply no other choice but to react to this particular prob. or person in this obsessive manner.
