.I responded okay let's try that - no contact. She boldly refused.
No contact/dark/dim is not something you ask her permission to do. You do it to protect yourself from her antics. If you choose to do this then you just start. It is what YOU choose, nothing to do with her.
I was talking about her having no contact with OM.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
What do you folks make of this? She has a tennis scrimmage this morning. When she comes home I asked how it went. She said something like horrible. I asked is it her bad knee or elbow. She said no it's because of me, all weepy with tears in her eyes. She mentions possibly losing her job if I expose. She's scared to death I'm going to tell kids and everyone. Yesterday I only blurted it out of anger, but she thinks I'm serious. I re-assured her, but she's still weepy, almost resembles the emotional rollercoaster I was on after the bomb. I sense an opening here, what should I do?
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Have you considered going to a Retrouvaille weekend? check the website, www.helpourmarriage.org for locations and dates. They can really help couples heal the marriage. It worked for me!
I suggested that right after the bomb, but got negative response. She seems to have made up her mind.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
She said she's decided not to go to OH to visit OM. She said OM doesn't want to be responsible for me going crazy and exposing her and all. How nice of the guy !!
Trugritter, can you take a trip to Dayton and do some kneecaps?
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Okay, she's getting emboldened. I noticed this after she has a long phone chat with some "confidant." Tonight she wants to "talk" D. She wants to either live in the same house divorced for the kids or she wants me to move out. She says the house is as much hers as mine. How do you like that? I told her I wasn't going anywhere. But she still doesn't get it. I told her before, I wouldn't live with a divorced wife, and I will not move out. That leaves one alternative - she moves. She baited me into getting my anger up again, so I told her I am not talking about this anymore. Oh and she rubbed in the, "You're just mad that I dont want to be married to you anymore." This is a subtle new tact, no mention of EA or OM at all. I think she's getting this kind of advice. I will talk to a lawyer next week, but in the meantime. What should I do?
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
"You're just mad that I dont want to be married to you anymore."
She is right Pickle.
That is how she sees you right now.
Stop fighting.
I don't think you should move. If she does want to D let her do the work.
You need to concentrate on not having any anger provoking convos with her right now.
You need to detach.
This is just a pull and push game right now.
Talk to the lawyer and know your rights and options. Protect yourself.
She knows you won't want her living there and being divorced. She is trying to bully you and make you act like the pissed off jerk she thinks you are right now.
You have to be the man you want to be and step toward that everyday.
Not for her.
For you.
Do you want to be a pissed off jerk?
Choose something different.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
"You're just mad that I dont want to be married to you anymore."
She is right Pickle.
That is how she sees you right now.
Stop fighting.
I don't think you should move. If she does want to D let her do the work.
You need to concentrate on not having any anger provoking convos with her right now.
You need to detach.
This is just a pull and push game right now.
Talk to the lawyer and know your rights and options. Protect yourself.
She knows you won't want her living there and being divorced. She is trying to bully you and make you act like the pissed off jerk she thinks you are right now.
You have to be the man you want to be and step toward that everyday.
Not for her.
For you.
Do you want to be a pissed off jerk?
Choose something different.
Gritter, did you really go thru all this crap already? I admire you man. It seems every time she wants to talk, I get pissed off, 'cause everytime she drops some new "bomb" on me.
New Goal List for Pickle:
1. STFU 2. Make her do all the work. 3. Get legal advice to protect myself 4. Protect the kids as best I can.
But I've decided I am not going to "allow" her to "use" the children to get what she wants - cake. If they have to find out, I'll leave them in God's hands. I've been carrying way too much burden on my shoulders, because of WAW's choices. Screw Her !!!!
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
you cover my expenses...