Wow, sweetie, that is hard. Sounds like he threw a full blown tantrum. All that was missing is for him to fall on the floor and kick his legs!
You can't control what he thinks, and i doubt he thinks this way all the time, especially given the tone of your phone conversation the other day. He is feeling guilty ans wants to blame someone else for the choices HE has made.
As far as what to do, I would sugest telling him that you will let him know about important events in your D's life, but will not put your D's or your own life on hold to cater to his schedule. If it is important to him he will make the time.
May be time to pull back from him a little more too. If he is looking for a target, you don't want to be standing too close.
Keep being civil and don't take the bait. He may be trying to get you to lose it so he can unload all the guild and anger he has with himself at you.
Stay strong, keep doing what you have been doing. This is about him, not you.
