Having a horrible day....just got back from a meeting with H and bawling my eyes out....I can't believe what just happened...how badly the meeting went and what he'd told me.....
About 10 min into our meeting...we talked about the SA....he started to attack me again...for not stopping D from buying the car while he was out of town (visiting OW), for not including him in filling out an university application on line. He said that I'm trying to use D to punish him. That it's my responsibility to make sure that he is part of everything concerning D and to wait for him with everything if he is out of town.
He was so unreasonable and so mean, that I told him that he is being a jerk (not like me, just slipped out).....well needless to say this turned into an argument with me crying....he was being so unjust....telling me that I'm the one who changed into a stranger, he is the same...angry things were said on both sides.
Apparently I'm purposefully preventing him from being involved in his D's life....I said "on contrary I want you to see D more, I'm sad that you are missing important events in her life"....then he got angry at me for saying that...."You just made that statement to hurt me" he said
At that moment I looked at him and thought this man must be mentally ill.....he is so paranoid...this is a big conspiracy....I'm out to get him and do him harm....WTH
He believes that everything I do is calculated to harm him, to get back a him, to punish him, to poison D against him and that I hate him and don't want him to be happy....
I couldn't believe my ears...this after all I have done, DBing, bending backwards, keeping my mouth shut, trying to keep everything civil between us. All that effort to be nice to him for year and half and this is what he thinks of me.
I was just floored....Asked him why he thinks that, what have I done for him to think that...said that he will start making notes. When I asked when did he start thinking that about me...he said when he left me.
And then I realized what this is all about....his mother was exactly like that after his dad left....bitter, angry, vengeful depressed, poisoning the children against the dad, talking badly about him, never forgave him...angry all her life, never moved on....
I said you are projecting your mother onto me....I'm not her, I'm a totally different person....I don't hate you, I'm not using D against you, I don't wish you harm....I still care about you....If you really think that you should go and see a therapist. To that he said I'm the one who needs to see a therapist....
I'm pretty disillusioned...after more then a year of DBing...this is what he thinks about me....why is he still so angry with me...where do we go from here...
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
