Would anybody here believe me if I said I envy those of you whose WAS has move out?
Thats how I'm feeling today.
Lance, I'll expirement with that quote thing, been wondering how you guys do that.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
No IAP, I completely understand where you are coming from. Mine just moved out 2 weeks ago, and in a lot of ways it is better. It's lonely, that is probably the hardest part. I was like you though, my h was being pretty alienish by the time he left. And that made it easier. By the time he left I had pretty much had enough. I think though, and there will probably be those on here who disagree with me, that more is gained if you are the one who asks them to leave. I only say this b/c I heard my husband say to me many times before he decided to move out " How much more do I have to do to you before you give up. You are acting pathetic." So if I could do it again, I think that I would have been the one to tell him to leave rather than him deciding to. Especially when there is an affair going on. But who knows, maybe he would flip that around on me and say that I am the one who ended the marriage. Basically, right now he says whatever he needs to in order to make me look like the bad guy in the situation.
Can I teach you how to make quotes on your thread? It will make your posts a little easier to read. .
Okay let's see what this looks like. Bare with me folks.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Okay, I must confess I screwed up yesterday morning. I was upset that she's moved to the couch, so I said, if we're not even going to pretend for the kids, we should just tell them and everyone else. That struck a nerve.
When I get home from work she tells me she's talked to a lawyer. She's really paranoid I'm going to expose, worried about her job teaching at a catholic school and everything.
So she lays this new tact on me and I wonder if it is under her lawyer's advice; comes right out and says, even if OM didn't exist, she would still not want to be married to ME. I responded okay let's try that - no contact. She boldly refused. Then she goes on about how she's staying in town for the kids and has no intention to move to OH to be with OM, blah, blah, blah.
Any laywers out there? Here's my position: she wants out, I don't. She's cheating, I'm not. I was a homeowner before we met, she wasn't. She was a stay home mom until S11 went to kindergarten in 2005. She also worked before S17 was born. IN between I was the breadwinner and funded her expenses to pursue a masters degree.
Now, what are my chances of keeping the house, custody, and salary? I am going to talk to a lawyer, but I thought someone here might know.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Talk to a lawyer, but Florida is very much pro the wife, sorry. From what I've heard from others, you will have to pay alimony for a long-term marriage, which is over 10 years. And they don't care about the affair. So your best course, is to try to get along with her. Have you considered going to a Retrouvaille weekend? check the website, www.helpourmarriage.org for locations and dates. They can really help couples heal the marriage. It worked for me!
.I responded okay let's try that - no contact. She boldly refused.
No contact/dark/dim is not something you ask her permission to do. You do it to protect yourself from her antics. If you choose to do this then you just start. It is what YOU choose, nothing to do with her.
I agree that you should contact a lawyer to see what your options are and to protect yourself.
Many are free for the first consult.
That does not mean that you must do anything after that.
Remember that the word divorce = space. So everytime you hear the word divorce you should substitute what it is that your W is asking for.
I'll be honest, I was pretty discouraged after talking to a lawyer. It seems as if an affair means nothing in the eyes of the law. The only "perk" my lawyer could really offer is that I could "probably" pus for my husband to pay all fo the fees. Other than that it is not factored into custoyd or who gets what in my state. B/c mine is a no fault state everything gets split 50/50 no matter what.
Well, just because you brought up the idea doesn't mean you screwed up. You DID end up with more information about your situation.
A DB coach is MUCH less expensive than and divorce, and they don't try to keep you coming back for a lot of sessions. It's an option.
Going dark: You can say you don't intend to have these talks during the holidays. If she talks, just listen don't offer opinions agreements, and try to get her to talk FEELINGS versus strategies.
If you divorce, you and she will be ok--but less trusting of other people, the lawyers will get richer, and the children will suffer the most financially and emotionally....let's work on EVERYTHING else.
