.I responded okay let's try that - no contact. She boldly refused.
No contact/dark/dim is not something you ask her permission to do. You do it to protect yourself from her antics. If you choose to do this then you just start. It is what YOU choose, nothing to do with her.
I agree that you should contact a lawyer to see what your options are and to protect yourself.
Many are free for the first consult.
That does not mean that you must do anything after that.
Remember that the word divorce = space. So everytime you hear the word divorce you should substitute what it is that your W is asking for.
