"Yes, she's going to hope you will change your mind, even though you were up front with her - we women are stupid that way. But if you are really clear you don't want to raise someone else's child, then you are just keeping her around for your own selfish comfort. Set her loose."
Agreed. And this is precisely why she is treating herself no better by being with you than by being with random men in the parking lot.
You are no more available as a real partner to her in her life than those other men. You too are using her. For whatever reason, she puts herself in situations to be used by men. She sets herself up to be hurt, to be with men who will NOT be a loving, committed partner to her in her life. Clearly, she's a deeply troubled hurting person.
Perhaps the men using her in parking lots are married scum as you suggest, perhaps they are very troubled people in deep pain. My guess is the latter, and my guess is the latter is true of you too. But such pain justifies NO ONE, including you, using her to feel better.
She is a mother with a child she loves. You don't get to enter into their lives and demand a spot between them rather than with them.
And, as for all those judging this woman for being promiscuous after D in unwise ways, we need a WHOLE LOT of mirrors to pass around these boards because there has been PLENTY of casual sex going on among and between DBers and other single/not-so-single people in non-ideal circumstances. Getting divorced leads to a new adolescence, acting-out included. Compassion folks.
