Well now she is cracking already... OM ended it supposedly on MOnday saying he was tired of all this and now he realizes that she will never leave her H.
I still haven't heard enough to be convinced this is worth it and that we are at a point with enough to give it the effort required
She did say to me that you have all the control now...you have decide if you would even be willing to try again after this mess I created again
I don't like that she is acting like she's at the mercy of OM and you. She needs to get control of herself. You are not in control of her doing the work that she needs to do now. The only control you have is spelling out what she would need to do to have a CHANCE at being with you...no guarantees. Her being dumped by OM is not going to make her into a person who is capable of being in a healthy marriage.
48 hour rule for sure.
(((Hugs)))
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I agree with Flowmom. So she is dumped by him, what makes her think you are willing to take second prize. Perhaps she needs a cold shoulder to show her that she has made quite a mess of her life.
I"m sorry but without knowing at all what happened there, I feel she is playing victim still. OM ended it, not her. Meaning, she is not ready to own up to HER PART. Giving YOU CONTROL, is not telling you she WILL DO ANYTHING TO SAVE HER MARRIAGE.
I hate this pushmepullyou ride she puts you on. She's forcing everyone else to make choices while feeling sorry for herself, not admitting how she has hurt you and your family, and not admitting her own responsibility to chose her family or her fantasy. I say push her away still until she comes back with a spine. Sorry but it makes me so mad to hear this!!!!
And dont forget. Supposedly this affair was ended before, and they went back. You have no guarantees from her whatsoever right now that they won't jump back in.
STay strong and resolute. I totally agree with FM and the others!!!
H4L has a point, time to state your boundaries again, stronger still but with no guarantee to her that you will take her back, she needs to fufil a criteria that you set to move this back into a marriage status.. Havent read much on it but the road back to me letter seems to fit the bill this time!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Gutwrenching- Take my advice for what it's worth, b/c I have had no successes at the moment.... but I think you should do what Sandi suggested and tell her you will take the time between now and Christmas to decide. But I am putting a vote in for the kids on this one, if you can stomach having her in the house (b/c I know how hard this is). I say wait until after the holiday, otherwise your children will always associate Christmas with their mom leaving. I completely agree with setting boundaries and not condoning the affair, but i don't think a month would make that much of a difference one way or the other in making or breaking the marriage, and it would sure be good for the kids.
