The best DBers will have NO FEAR of D!

[newmama]

I get something finally and I think it's one of those things where you can't just tell someone to "get it" like my DB coach and other posters tried to tell me a year ago (who were all men, btw!)

OK. Don't be afraid of divorce. If you are afraid, you can't do the real DBing you are supposed to in order to take charge of yourself and what you respect and need and show your spouse you are serious about changing.

The divorce talk comes up. Yep, how many times? Have no fear, don't walk on egg shells, continue to DB and show you are a catch and are cleaning up your ways, and your actions will make them pause and think. I mean you don't need to push the divorce through if you don't want, but you just respond "I understand you feel that way." and let them talk and you don't really fight or anything, and then you change the subject.

The divorce papers arrive. Ok so they filed. Same thing applies as above. Heck, you can not DB 100% to save your marriage--I know that sounds strange, but you DB to improve yourself. The side effect is that your spouse will notice and wonder if s/he will be making a huge mistake.

The paperwork gets submitted.
After some time and fighting (or not)- you are divorced.

This happened to me (no fighting though), and I can tell you that the emotional heartache and damage was done waaaaaaaay before the actual paperwork. Heck, my exH even said he will always have doubts and I think that has A LOT to do with the fact that during the limbo and by DBing, I showed him things he had no clue I would ever change or improve!


I have realized that I wouldn't want a damaged marriage anyway. If exH and I end up together years later, a new marriage would be more appropriate anyway.

Meanwhile, he is on his journey with OW so I guess it means I am on mine with this life. And I have a roadmap to this life because I learned how to do it through DBing primarily and then from seeing the proof from all of the supportive peers here on the DB forum.