I think this is an excellent post! The explanations of detaching and going dark and the differences between the two are important. Relating detaching to differences in handling a car is a unique way of 'exampling' the desired behavior modification.
I wonder what happens when you employ this method of 'giving' over 'control' of whether the WAS walks or recommits (which I agree SHOULD and COULD be a win-win for the R)and the WAS uses that as yet another reason/excuse for walking? I TRIED doing this. I did it by letter so that I wouldn't stumble over my words and possibly 'give away' that I was trying to trust and untrustworthy person with my heart. I got help with the letter, because sometimes we think we are saying one thing and it comes out a different way.
Not only can we not control what our partner feels, we also can't control or predict how that partner will react to our 'detaching'. Mine reacted like a cruel, self-absorbed narcissist. Told me he wanted a divorce BUT wanted to be fair.Told his HO that he saw this as yet
