Exactly I mean isn't giving your friendship to a cheating spouse rewarding bad behaviour.
Rob1971
That was how I felt at first. I've moved beyond that now. The pain is still there, but what I have come to realize is that she, too, feels the pain. In many ways her pain is worse. She knows in her heart that she was weak; she is feeling shame, remorse and failure. I believe that these feeling can become obstacles in our path that prevents the healing process from getting started.
For me, the DB techniques removed these obstacles. The OM does not occupy my thoughts. I don't discuss OM; it's not about him; it's about me and my wife. Why make OM important? Doing so, gives him power; it gives him a place in your relationship. I've removed OM and the negative feeling associated with OM from our path. Our path is now clear, without obstacles, we can move forward.
We are a mirror for our spouse. If I were to reflect bitterness and resentment towards her, it will perpetuate more of the same in our relationship. I don't want that; I don't think she wants that either. If, on the other hand, I reflect a sense of calm and understanding, it will promote more of the same from her. Right?
The DR book tells us that we need to set small goals and work toward them. One of my goals is to promote calm and understanding in our relationship. due to my efforts (alone) we now have calm and understanding in our relationship; I have reached that goal and I can continue moving along the path.
