My heart is in her hands

[CD Bear]

Nicely said, Deep.

Sinclair, I have to agree with Deep, Rob and Cadet.

You need to NOT initiate conversations or texts.
Keep your distance and stay busy doing things for you.

Make changes in your home to suit you. Move that furniture and/or change that 'girly' decoration that has always bugged you.

Look at what she has said about your behaviour in the marriage. If what she said "stung", there is likely something to it that needs to be addressed. NOW is the time to look at behaviors that YOU don't like about you. Start with the ones that NEITHER of you like.

When (not if) she starts to push your buttons to make you behave like the person she left (she wants to reinforce her view that you ARE wrong for her), you have to resist. THAT is why you shouldn't answer phone calls. Text and email are KING!! It gives you time to calm your kneejerk reflex responses (what she expects)

Do not argue with her view of you or the M. "I'm sorry you feel that way" is a nice way to validate her feelings and avoid confrontation'

ANother great phrase is "I understand what you're saying. I'm going to need to think about that some more"

You need a different counselor if you want to save your marriage.

Good call, DBMod!
Why are you going to MC if she is sleeping with someone else?
You need IC!! Make some calls and see if you can find one familiar with Divorce Remedy and other marriage advocacy programs. Google helps a lot.

If all you've got is no contact, you don't have a marriage.

Right again, DB. Sinclair has a "threesome". That isn't a marriage.

Start doing something different. Build the friendship part of your marriage. This is not the time to go out with other folks and invoke jealousy, the pushmepullyou thing. Strengthen the warmth and care between you. Do it slowly, calmly.

Going out with the purpose of invoking jealousy is absolutely the wrong thing, Sinclair. This isn't about her anymore. You should be going out to stay busy; increase your circle of friends and re-establish contact with friends you may have drifted away from during your M.

DBmod-I'm sorry but I couldn't find the section of DR that recommends the bolded lines in the case of a cheating spouse. Little help, please? I'd like to know more about this strategy.
I didn't have the opportunity to explore this when I was at Sinclair's stage in the sitch.
Thanks