Then before we went to be on Sunday she says before bed you are not getting any tonight. I did not expect sex nor did I give any indication that I was going to try. What does that mean??? I fear I will have to wait another month before we do it again.
Slow down and take a big breath. Now ten more.
I've been right where you are. Many here have. If she decided to do that kind of pre-emptive rejection, it could mean one of two things (or something entirely different, it's not as if I understand women or anything)
1. She thought she was letting you down easy; she knew she wasn't up for sex, and she expected you to try for it, and she thought that would be better than letting you get into the moment and then turning you down. She may even have a point here--if she'd let you get further into trying to seduce her (I know you might not have tried it that time, but bear with me, because I'm doing this more from her point of view) and then shot you down, it's possible that you would have taken that as some kind of teasing game. I know I did (and sometimes still do.) But I also, like you did, get upset when she tries to spare me that by jumping in before I've even said anything with a flat "No." It's like she never gave it a chance, isn't it?
2. Another possibility is that she took a chance, let you in, and she liked it, but that scared her. It was a loss of control, and it was a break from what has become her routine. Most of us will fight to defend a lousy routine over taking a risk to make things better. She panicked and cut herself off as a pre-emptive strike the next night, at least according to this theory. I can't say whether either of these two ideas is true, but I know my wife and I did both. The good news is that this kind of reaction on her part doesn't mean that it's all over. She let you in a little bit and the world didn't end, so this current retrenchment won't necessarily last forever. You may be right to expect a month, or it may be much shorter. She might change her mind about it in the next couple of days, even. Expect this kind of backsliding to come and go; just try to react to it more and more smoothly, with less and less of that panicky "Oh [censored], this means another month of celibacy, doesn't it?" feeling.
