online dating tips #3

[g450]

Newmama,

I will be honest with you. I do not see her Son and her moving in with me. As selfish as this may sound...Been there done that. Im done raising children. Too old for that and I told her this.

She said she did not like the idea of waiting six years for her Son to grow up before moving in with me and I told her I understood that. I told her we could have a weekend relationship and if she found somebody else who could give her more then we would part ways. I now see this as a temporary relationship. I feel strongly that she will eventually give up trying to turn me into a rent-a-dad and find somebody new.

I just had hopes that she could raise her kids, get her act together and we could still have a relationship without moving in with each other.

One thing I have learned from this is that if we ever break up I will never again date a woman with young children. But I have dated stronger women before that have no problem keeping their children and their personal lives separate but equal. I did however tell her that her Sons should come first no matter what.

Flowmom,

You are probably spot on. She wants more. Unfortunately I can not and absolutely will not raise somebody elses child. I can be friendly and even caring but he will not be living under my roof. Not now, not ever. And I made it very clear to her from the get-go that I did not want an instant family. Dont know what else to do. Ill see what happens for a few months regarding her Son. She also has a 16 year old who lives with his Grandma and an 18 year old that basically is on his own.

She has told me that I am the best thing that has happend to her in years. But I cant be everything for her as I am not a knight on a white horse there to save her and her children. I do understand she is in a tough situation. I have even helped her out financially. But I have to think about myself and what I want to do with my remaining years. Call me selfish.

I want to say that I am also a bit old fashioned like you ladies. But at least two woman I dated told me they had no problems bringing men into their bedrooms even while the kids were home. That just really bothered me to hear that. I dealt with this when I was 16 after my Dad passed away and I do know it affects kids negatively even though they may not show it. Even now it makes my skin crawl thinking back on it.

Thanks for your comments. I will weigh my options.