1 - Acknowledge that you are powerless over partner. You cannot make him/her change his feelings or make him/her love you. You can only control yourself and your own feelings. No matter how close you are to him/her and no matter how hard you try.
I'll tackle this one tonight. This morning driving into work, traffic was terribly slow, it had snowed a little and with the first snow of the year everyone forgets how to drive. I was the fourth car behind a person who driving overly cautious...SLOW. And I was getting frustrated, angry, talking to myself, "lady you're slowing up everybody" it was a chain reaction behind me...there was a stream of cars. But, it didn't matter what I said or how I felt, she wasn't going to change her speed. She was in control of her vehicle, I was not. As I was feeling the emotions, from anger, impateince, wanting her to go faster it came to me that this feeling was the same feeling I had with H. If H wouldn't do what I wanted him to do, I would get impatient, angry and no matter how impatient, how much yelling I did it doesn't matter, I AM not in control of my H/traffic. The emotions are the same, this is something I recognized for the first time today.
I am now going to start focussing on ME and MY attitudes when I drive, tame that road rage, talk to that road rage and find out what makes it tick. My H is totally opposite, he is a very calm, confident driver, rarely gets impatient and doesn't react to traffice like I do...which I was also recognizing thinking about today. My H also doesn't like riding with me, H doesn't feel safe riding with me and I know why--I'm an emotional driver. I don't relax riding with my H either, I panic a lot and react (no trust)--hmmm this does sound familar, now I'm more relaxed with my life. I'm also a backseat driver (controllinig). My H is a very competent driver yet I don't trust his driving skills and I should because he a good driver. Hmmm I might be onto something here. I can see how my emotioins come out the same in my driving as they DID in my R. I wonder if next time I am riding with my H, I could trust him and relax...
