I did good, had to fight the urge to pursue much harder than I expected. Did manage to DB pretty good. H gave me a good hug when he got there, even before saying hi to D3. H caught my gaze and held it a few times looking kind of lovey(?) and smiling at me. No idea what to make of it. Maybe just cake eating thoughts dancing through his self obsorbesd crazy head.

At one point I looked at H sitting and texting on his phone, seperated from the rest of the family. I'm in the kitchen right in the middle of everything. I thought, this is his family, but it is my H who seems out of place here, not me.

It was tough, and I feel beat up, but things went well. H stayed much later than he had said he would, but no complaint since I got more time with D3 before she left for her overnight.

At the end of the night was the part that broke my heart. D3 hadn't napped, and it was getting late. Dropped a puzzle piece and just fell appart. When she looses it (not verry often at home) she sticks all her fingers in her mouth and starts to cry big drooly histerical sobs. H hates this and focuses on getting her to stop the fingers in her mouth. I got to her first - not interfeeering, we thought at first she was hurt and I was closer.

I held her and she calmed a bit after a while, enought to say she just wanted to go to bed. H is keeping her tonight and tomorrow night since I have to work. I carried her out to the car and she buckled in good, but wouldn't let go of me. Kept crying for me to stay with her.

I gave her a kiss and a big hug, told her she would get to play at her little cousin's house (H is house sitting for SIL-2). Told her I would call her soon and see her in 2 mornings. I pulled away as gentle as I could. Waved as chearful as I could, and went inside. Stayed for a bit with the in-laws. Broke apart as I drove off.

Felt like the worst mom in the world. Felt like dying right there. Don't know if I will be ok calling her tonight, but I have to pull it together in just 10 minutes. Got to be that rock she needs to get through this.

Have to admit that I hate my H tonight. So angry that his girlfriend, and being single, and just living for himself come before his own baby. I just hurt. For my girl. For me. Just hurt.

Just want so bad to protect my girl, keep her close and tell her she is safe. She is loved.

I think I did the right thing for her tonight. Not sure what to do as I go forward. I'm hurting too much to make any decisions right now.