Informed H by email that I'm driving D's car this morning to take it to be looked at and picking up the tires as well since I'm going that way...his reply
"I am glad you are going today. Try to do It early as a storm is coming"....
OK???? Control or concern...maybe a bit of both.
Other then that just business emails...asking me to do something and that once it's done he would like to pick it up ASAP....well it's been done since noon and he still didn't bother to pick it up....after all that rush.
Going out with my G friends this weekend....should be fun
My friend and her D that has been living with me for the past 4 months are moving out at the end of the month....my D can't wait LOL. But overall it was good, we got along well...the house is going to be so empty with just me and my D living here.....
That's about it today
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Mila, It's a little bit of both, i.e., control and concern. Maybe he's have a sane moment, who knows, but I'm glad he's taken care of your D's car.
Everything w/them is hurry up and then they are forever coming to pick up what they'e asked you to do. It's part of the MLC behavior. There is no rhyme or reason for what they say or do, but it's whatever they are feeling at the moment they make the "demand". Just let it slide off your back....
Your home definitely will be quiet when your friend and D move out, but the holidays are fast approaching and I'm sure you and your D will be busy.
I do hope that you and your family have a Happy Thanksgiving!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Alb - I already forgot about it LOL...it's really just an observation....Have a great Thanksgiving
Snodderly - thanks for the visit . I choose to believe that there is still some concern for me and sometimes he shows it...as you say in his "sane moment".
An example....as usual he brought D a gift from his trip to see OW ...yes that's what he does every single time...trying to show D that he thinks of her while with OW?...who knows. Well today D told me what he bought for her and she said "dad told me to tell you that he picked it all by himself"....doesn't want me to think that OW picked it for her....
...and the business papers he wanted from me ASAP yesterday morning...still here today, never picked it up.....yup...pretty weird...
hope everyone is having great time with their families today
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
We are having bit of winter weather here today, so my D's car is parked and I've been driving her everywhere today (in and out all day LOL) As I mentioned in my previous post the papers that H wanted so badly yesterday are still sitting here. I got an email, "If you are going to be driving anywhere today, any chance you could bring me the papers?"...well he knows very well that I'm D's taxi today....so why not use that so he doesn't have to go anywhere....I said no problem, I could do that...
As it happened I was going to take D to the gym, so with her in the car we dropped it off for him. He came down to pick it up, big sweet smile at me and started engaging us in a conversation...D was in the hurry, so she told him we have to run....he looked like he wanted to talk more.
Later he calls me and we talk about some business stuff, he also thanked me for sending him an email with an update from a vet about D's pet, managed to call me sweetie again and then somehow the conversation went to D's university applications. I said that we applied for one school this week and he said. "You did it without me? I wanted to be involved". It was just an online application....and he knows where she wants to go....but I guess he feels left out of her life.
Then he said "I wanted to be involved with buying her car too" I said "I know, but you weren't here. I told D that you wanted to do that with her, she said that you are out of town and wanted to get going with it". He replied....You could have told her no...and call me. I said "I'm sorry, but I did remind her and she chose to proceed, so please don't blame me for you being out of town". Then he said "But I missed buying her first car with her and I always thought that I will do that with her" I only said "I know". Then he said "It hurts" I replied "I know"...
I think that he was close to crying at that point and he abruptly ended the conversation by saying "See you Saturday"(we are meeting about SA).
The conversation was calm, soft, almost intimate...no anger or irritation from either of us....It seems to me that he is starting to realize how much he is missing from his D's life...
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Mila, You handled the interaction w/your h. He's not understanding that time doesn't sit still and wait on him to return from la la land. Your D is growing up and is making her own decisions and if he doesn't pull his head out of his @ss, he's going to be missing out on a whole lot more going on in her life.
The meeting Saturday should be interesting. If you can remain as calm as you were yesterday, you will do just fine. I'm really sorry that you are having to go through this, especially this time of the year.
I'm sending positive thoughts your way!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My thoughts on you post were again how much like teenagers MLCers really are. When they want to do something they want to do it now. Your D wanted a car, she didn't want to wait on her dad. Her dad wanted to go see ow, didn't matter at the time that D was car shopping.
These are the consequences for the MLCers choices. It still astounds me that they can not make that correlation. In the end the LBS still gets the blame...
I think you handled your convo with your H very well.
Good luck with your meeting tomorrow and as Snodderly stated, I, too, am sorry that you're going through it at this time of year. With that said, I'm glad you're taking steps to protect yourself and D from further MLC fallout. Your H is still running, who knows what else he might come up with to make himself 'happy'. You don't want to have to pay dearly for anymore than you already are.
Hope your Thanksgiving was great, in spite of the sitch we find ourselves in. You are sounding so much stronger than you were a short time ago. I think you are doing wonderfully and also being the 'adult' your daughter needs and wants. Don't think she doesn't notice it either. You are right, your H is missing out on a lot, but they somehow always manage to legitimize their wants being met first before everyone else's.
Not an adult way of doing things.
Hope this is the first day of a great Holiday season for you and your D.
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
Having a horrible day....just got back from a meeting with H and bawling my eyes out....I can't believe what just happened...how badly the meeting went and what he'd told me.....
About 10 min into our meeting...we talked about the SA....he started to attack me again...for not stopping D from buying the car while he was out of town (visiting OW), for not including him in filling out an university application on line. He said that I'm trying to use D to punish him. That it's my responsibility to make sure that he is part of everything concerning D and to wait for him with everything if he is out of town.
He was so unreasonable and so mean, that I told him that he is being a jerk (not like me, just slipped out).....well needless to say this turned into an argument with me crying....he was being so unjust....telling me that I'm the one who changed into a stranger, he is the same...angry things were said on both sides.
Apparently I'm purposefully preventing him from being involved in his D's life....I said "on contrary I want you to see D more, I'm sad that you are missing important events in her life"....then he got angry at me for saying that...."You just made that statement to hurt me" he said
At that moment I looked at him and thought this man must be mentally ill.....he is so paranoid...this is a big conspiracy....I'm out to get him and do him harm....WTH
He believes that everything I do is calculated to harm him, to get back a him, to punish him, to poison D against him and that I hate him and don't want him to be happy....
I couldn't believe my ears...this after all I have done, DBing, bending backwards, keeping my mouth shut, trying to keep everything civil between us. All that effort to be nice to him for year and half and this is what he thinks of me.
I was just floored....Asked him why he thinks that, what have I done for him to think that...said that he will start making notes. When I asked when did he start thinking that about me...he said when he left me.
And then I realized what this is all about....his mother was exactly like that after his dad left....bitter, angry, vengeful depressed, poisoning the children against the dad, talking badly about him, never forgave him...angry all her life, never moved on....
I said you are projecting your mother onto me....I'm not her, I'm a totally different person....I don't hate you, I'm not using D against you, I don't wish you harm....I still care about you....If you really think that you should go and see a therapist. To that he said I'm the one who needs to see a therapist....
I'm pretty disillusioned...after more then a year of DBing...this is what he thinks about me....why is he still so angry with me...where do we go from here...
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
