I want some good advice on this one... Should I start dating? Real Dating... Casually?
I think one of the other posters had it perfectly. Go out in large mixed groups, gives you the opportunity to socially interact ie chat and flirt, safely to members of the opposite sex. You can have fun, and it will do wonders for your self esteem.
Happy Thanksgiving... I am grateful for all those who give of themselves to help another. Thanks guys & gals! I wish you well and hope your Thankskiving is a special one.
Just wanted to say I've read your posts, and although my sitch has progressed to point of yours I really respect the way you are handling the sitch especially when it relates to the children. If that day comes for me I hope I can be as strong.
I need to pick up DR book and get reading, although I am working hard to be the man I want to be you never can have too much reinforcement.
I find mysel on this discussion board for hours everyday, just reading - trying to become stronger. It's working.
Thanks for sharing and I'm sure things will workout best for YOU!
SIC
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
Thank You. I will tell you, I was a point where I HAD to be on here to get through sometimes. Do exactly that... Post Away... Read up on others... I'm at a much better place... It took time. I am FAR from OK, but better. I wish you much luck, but know that either way you can move on and live happy. Sometimes I look around at other people... There are a gazillion of them... They have their own lives... Their own friends... You are no part of it... So is it such a big deal to start over and her not be an integral part... NO... We will be like them living life without her... and ABSOLUTELY OK... Maybe even HAPPY! I'm still reading the books, but they help for sure. Good Luck! Kids are playing and having a ball... I'm smiling at them laughing and goofing around with eachother... Not a sad thought in my head. Time to check that turkey... My first Thanksgiving dinner (alot of help from sis).
Slow to No Going these days. W tried to be nice to me recently, but figured out it was to get me to provide her extra money. When I refused, she flipped out and reverted back to her out heartless self. She returned a couple days later to drop the kids off and she handed me a gift, I told her i did not want it. I was angry... It is SO tough to stick to the advice sometimes my mind just takes over... so i looked and discovered it was a photo of the kids with santa in a fram that she bought me... i removed the photo and handed her back the frame... i did tell her i wanted nothing from her, but was willing to keep the photo. Not sure if that was wise, but emotions took over and its over now.
One of her family members called me to tell me she was hurting for money and had borrowed 1000 from mom and 200 from her grandma and was telling people i refused to pay her child support. I tried to, but my attorney said dont you dare... an amount has not been agreed on yet. Another of my friends said W stopped by and talked to his W... they just had a baby... He said when he got up, my W quickly had to go. His W a good friend of mine said, she constantly complained about money and was on her iphone the whole time... she even said my W was acting psycho. Although I've seen her since and she looked ok.
We had a big issue recently... well she did. Our son had a lump on his neck, i asked her to take him in the next morning to be seen by Dr. Next day she said she didnt take him because he didnt want to go. I was like SO! Didn't get into it, but she said she would take him the next day. Next day she takes him, the wait is too long... she says I couldnt feel the lump so we left, but if it gets bigger I will take him back. OK! Well it got bigger... I notice it just before bedtime. I emailed her to take him in the morning... she said "you take him, you need to step up"... OMG I could have exploded. She barely has the kids and barely parents as it is. She told me to either take him now or after 2pm the next day. I explained I had all 4 kids and that would be very difficult. She refused! I did mention that she should be the one stepping up, but thats all. So I said since you refuse to take him I will take him in the morning myself. She had an issue with him missing school then. I told her i was taking him anyway. Then she says I'll take him Saturday... I said no he will go in the morning because the lump doubled in size and I wanted to be safe. Next morning she picks up the 3 girls, I kept son home.
She realizes she should probably take him and now offers to, because she looks like a dirtball. I said I was still going to take him, mainly bacause she didnt accomplish it the last two times. As soon as she leaves she sends an immediate email re how she is gonna tell her attorney i would not let her take him to the Dr. during "her time" with the kids... more like "schools time" with the kids... blah blah. So i said go ahead I'm sure theyd be interested in how you failed to get him looked at and the outright refused to. So I take him... then she does this wierd covering of her tracks maneuver... send a fresh email asking me to inform her of the diagnosis. A few minutes later another fresh email saying she was at my house to pick up son to take to the hospital, WHICH SHE KNEW I WAS AT. Like trying to keep a record of her attempt for appearance sake. Absolutely Laughable.
So I doubt I handled the situation text book, but i did my best.
Take care of what needs to be done. Your W isn't thinking rationally. It happens all the time. My W threatened to call the cops on me because I wouldn't let my daughter go with her because she was sick in bed. I called her bluff and told her to go ahead. She didn't and acted very sweet after that.
Point is, don't mind anything she does right now. Trying to figure things out is going to drive you crazy. And just when you think she couldn't top herself, something else will pop up. You stay grounded and watch the kids. Show them the strong father you are.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
As for me I am doing well. I've been busy with the holidays, but have been going out and having fun. It's hard to say how I am because right now my sister is always around, so without her i'm sure I'd be feeling in the dumps again. But so far so good.
I dont think about W much normally. I am still extremely angry when I see her, but seldom show it now. We really dont talk much... passing without words. I do get the feeling she is angry at times that I am doing out having fun, but other times she seems happy about it. As I've said... Her anger is about LACK OF CASH... not me or the loss of US. I could drop off the face of the Earth and I truly doubt she'd care right now. I am still irritated at how she treats me, considering she wronged me, but I continue to make progress every day.
I am actually quite anxious now to get the divorce final... mainly because I will have a better idea of my financial situation. Its hard to plan things and I'm afraid to purchase anything until I know how much I'll need to pay her and what I have to work with. She on the other hand is spending as usual... certainly in for a rude awakening. I spoke to my attorney yesterday, i was again advised not to pay her anything and I would be notified when and what to pay. I was also told W WILL NOT get maintenance. She has a hearing set for Jan, which I found out from her family.
Kids are great! I just finished my vacation and it was very relaxing. I do feel rested and revived. Today I return to work and start getting back into the daily grind of work and parenting.
Things are still the same with W... I email her only about the kids. Yesterday I emailed mailed her about 5 times regardins the kids as things came up... To let her know I paid for field trips and $ was in their bags, D3 lost an earring was wondering if she had it, etc. NOTHING about US... No conflict... Nothing but kid talk... Her response... Can you please stop emailing me? Thank You! Have a good night
Obviously still pissed off about finances and still in the could give a crap about me mode!
Not sure if this was the best response, bit this is how I responded... Do you plan to be this way the rest of our lives? I hope for your sake and our children's sake you won't. As I've said before I currently have no interest in pursuing you, and I'm doing my part as a father AND THEN SOME... So please stop. Everything else is up to the attorneys... That's the way you chose it to be... I've just been following instructions. There is no need at this point to be cold & cruel to eachother. I didn't do anything to you... I haven't been mean to you... I'm glad you are finally happy. I do hopeyou find someone who loves and respects you regardless of any flaws... Someone who looks at you with pure live everyday. I have finally found some happiness in my life... I hope you are happy for me. We have 4 children together, so not communicating is nearly impossible. I have only been discussing issues concerning them an will continue to respect that boundary. I hope your night has gone well. God Bless.
