Lost and Confused

[Chrysalid]

i don't know how to get over this period right now.. we were doing fine until this discussion and then it all just got so ugly.

We're financially not able to separate and we're stuck in the damn house together for the next 4-6 months at least but most likely longer and i'm afraid it's going to turn into War of the Roses.. i was hoping for some reconciliation but i can't see that happening now.

He finally gave me his financial statements yesterday and he really doesn't have any money.. I'm torn.. i don't want to screw him over because he might take that as a negative and if there is a chance of reconciliation i don't want him to change his mind... but at the same time I'm SO angry that he has put me in this position and i still need to protect myself.

I also want to confront him about the cell phone.. this is supposed to be his work phone and it's in my name yet his text messages have quadrupled since he's started messaging my former friend. I know i shouldn't go down this path, but i feel like if i don't he'll continue with the behaviour and i'm just condoning his EA. I also want to know because if he is having a relationship with her than i can't in my heart continue supporting him. Would it be bad to confiscate his phone tonight or is that a big no no ? i don't want him to think i don't trust him, but i really don't..

He looks like hell.. he doesn't shave as much as he used to.. his clothes are grubby looking, he's lost weight and he's got big bags under his eyes.. he also started smoking again.. To me it seems like he has some inner turmoil.. there is no way he has a clear conscience about any of this. A friend of mine asked me last night 'who is this man' because he's changed that drastically.. Do i just wait for him ? i don't know if i have the strength and i certainly don't have the funds to help him figure himself out.