You need a different counselor if you want to save your marriage.
If all you've got is no contact, you don't have a marriage.
I trust your insight, dbmod. In fact, I had come to the same conclusion.
It has taken a little while for me to realize that my wife and I need to rebuild our friendship. She has been many things to me and our friendship has suffered as a result.
At the moment, we are both showing the classic signs of depression. Our sleeping patterns have been disrupted and we consistently wake at 3:00 a.m. and can't get back to sleep. On one such occasion (not having much ells to do at that hour) I drove down to the beach for a walk. My wife drove by the house that morning and assumed that I had spent the night out. At which point, I told her the following (in no uncertain terms):
"I am a married man. I am, at all times, conducting my life in a manner that is consistent with staying a married man."
For twenty years I've never given her any reason to doubt my sincerity in this regard and I believe she understands.
My biggest breakthrough was the morning I accepted my part in our crises and I told her that I was sorry.
I'm taking it one step at a time. "Poco a poco" as they are so fond of saying around here.
