seems in the last few days that alot of us are experiencing this, and for some of us, for the very first time
i found this, somewhere can't remember where but i sure would like to discuss it
Quote: Detaching with Love
1 - Acknowledge that you are powerless over partner. You cannot make him/her change his feelings or make him/her love you. You can only control yourself and your own feelings. No matter how close you are to him/her and no matter how hard you try.
2 - Recognize that you alone are responsible for your own well being and happiness. Just as you cannot make your partner have specific feelings, he/she cannot make you happy or sad either. You control your own feelings.
3 - Focus on yourself right now. You are probably spending most of your time thinking about your partner. Wondering what you can do to bring him/her back. Your concentration is on him/her. Shift your energies to yourself - to things you can affect in yourself. Concentrate on your own needs and nuture/develop your own inner core of being.
When you detach with love, you acknowledge that you cannot control the other person's emotions and actions but that you trust him/her to do what is best; no matter what the final outcome is; no matter what decisions the other person makes. You have to trust that he/she will make the best decison for himself/herself and therefore ultimately for the R.
To let someone know you believe in him/her this way is the strongest validation of his/her personhood you can/will ever make. It takes tremndous courage and faith to tell someone that you love him/her enough to want whatever will make him/her happy, that you respect and trusthim/her enough to know he/she will make the right decision - even if that means they might not choose to come back into the relationship. Paradoxical as it seems, this is a win-win scenario for you. Your partner is going to find you much more desirable when you feel confident enough to make such a supportive statement then when you are needy and desparate ...
