Morning New Life, wow - that's a lot to think about. Forgiveness... that's a tough thing. I had forgiveness rather shoved down my throat from a young age. I didn't DARE hold my mom accountable for any of her hurtful words or actions - neither in my own heart and mind, nor in communication with her. Forgiveness wasn't just expected of me, it was demanded. It doesn't matter what she said or did to me. It was my job to forgive, forget so that she could turn around and do it all to me again, the next time her stress levels built up too much. So to me, forgiving her just drags me into that dizzying downward spiral again. And I think I've still got too much anger and pain I need to release to make expecting forgiveness of myself, a healthy option.
It would be nice to think that 'ebb and flow' might flow my way and that I could forgive her. Eh. Maybe yes maybe no. I don't know about that now that I see it written. Anyways, just writing about it this has been making my heart start to pound and I can feel my mood start sinking again, so I better stop thinking about it. But thank you again for your thoughts - I appreciate it alot. Take care, FMV.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
