Haha, put that way, it doesn't sound like much... except to do what I am doing. NC for now, will likely run into him next week when we are both there. Act 'as if', remain friendly, still hoping to get him to a wkd session, no matter the outcome of our M. I need it for me. If the D gets busted, great, if not, so be it.
Your situation and others makes me realize the uphill battle all the way. Would I like the chance at it? Sure. I have never done things the easy way in my life. But... maybe God has a different plan for me...
GW, I know you are no longer piecing and maybe I am way off but, considering all of the knowledge you have gotten being here and your W being far behind in that category... any way to consider a wkd for you two? I have found at least 3 different programs I am interested in... Each one having its pros and cons and likely to be more useful in different situations. Just wonder if her hearing others that have been in her position and got out... if that would be a wake up call for her?
I know it would have helped me way back when I was feeling like I wanted to leave. It is person dependent tho I suppose...
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
Please share with me those 3 programs. The shame was she had agreed to Retrouville...and we never made...were planning on going in Jan.
Where she is today, I don't think she would agree to a weekend, but if things change at all, it would be good to have those things in my arsenal. She cannot think logically at the moment. She is caught in the loop. I have feelings for OM, which prevents me from having feelings for H. If I get rid of OM, feelings for H will come back. But what if I can't get OM out of my system, then I will be miserable. I know that things with OM might not even work out and I was happy with H, but if I can't stop thinking about OM, how can i continue to be happy.
That is her brain. It would drive me crazy too!
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
Retrou... ain't gonna happen right now for me. Need a willing partner and no OP.
Michelle (CO)... for me, she offers the option of clarity and closure that might get H there, he cares about me and wants me to be happy. Might want to help 'fix' me. For you, maybe the 'we have tried everything else, what do we have to lose?' would be a better angle.
Crucible intensive therapy, Dr. David Schnarch (CO)... he is the author of passionate marriage. If you have read the book, it is amazing. This guy gets to the point. The website is a little too lovey-dovey and pro-marriage for my H to consider in my sitch. I instead have e-mailed back and forth with his wife, also a marriage/relationship therapist. Phone calls to both this place and Michelle have helped in telling me what to say to get the S there. The e-mail I sent explained that H wants a D, I want clarity/closure how can I express to him that he will not be pressured... she wrote back a great e-mail, that I am pretty sure H read 'cuz I think he was monitoring my e-mails at the time.
I figure, they deal with this crap all the time and worse... others that have acted on EA to PA and seemingly moved on with this new partner. I am an expert at what I do. I think they are experts at what they do (have read as much as I can about them, feel they are my best bet besides my changes etc.). Don't want to give my M over to a stranger who could make it or break it, yet... does it get more broken than my situation right now???
I know there are other programs too, maybe others can chime in. If someone can really help her understand the root of her feelings and help you understand her needs better... maybe this is what you both need?
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
Here you go hun, the next bit in the story, gosh I feel like J.K Rowling lol!
Im away for a couple of days now for a works conference so will be back to say hi on friday evening uk time.
Honestly I know you think NC isnt doing much but it really is a powerful impact on the WAS. As much as they like to pretend they dont need you or remember you, even if its out of habit they will want to know what you are doing?
In regard to me saying about H saying, you never can be blase enough to believe that they will never do it again, you have been proved wrong once, you have lost the innocense of thinking that you would be together forever! Its hard and beleive me it hurts like hell to have lost that, although at least now H realises this and does do his best to work on giving me some security, but it is a long slow growing process..
Take care hun..
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Hey E, hopr you are having a good time with all those kid-os arround!
I think you are being really strong to go dark. I have D3, so can't pull a dark very well. I have been cutting way back on the contact though. Feels like we have gone backwards, but there are odd little things that pop up.
My pull back right now is just for my own sanity. Have to work through a lot of stuff right now and I just don't have energy for him.
Stay strong. Wether this helps your M or not, you are sounding stronger.
Gotta go. Got D3 home late from our Disney on Ice night. Had a blast and counted myself lucky tonight. Got to be with my D and her cousins & SIL-1. Realized I still have my family. I am very lucky.
Having a great time with the kids... but having to write the damn seminar too!
Today I am thankful that I no longer identify with roadkill as I did 3 months ago...
NC is making me stronger...suspect it is easier on me than H actually. He was always the gardener, the one to call and does not like anyone to think badly of him. I'm sure he knows I am with my family. He loved being with my brother and the kids. I am sure he is wondering about the type of conversation going on without him here... but that's mind reading so I will stop.
Ok, going outside to enjoy the Florid a sun, put my feet in the pool and write this damn thing!!!
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
