This is just my personal opinion, but I think once they have chosen to be gone, it's entirely unproductive to try to satisfy your needs through them.
If she is softening towards you, if she is giving signs of wanting to establish a closer relationship, that's one thing. But if she's still in the mode of doing her own thing, and only sticking around for circumstantial reasons, she most likely wants little to do with you.
Trying to get attention from someone who is not interested looks and feels desperate. Desperate is not attractive.
You seem to realize that you have some issues that you need to address. Some of what you've written sounds a bit like co-dependency, though I hate using some of the easy lingo from around here. In any good marriage, I think there is a closeness that can look a bit dependent, but is really nothing more than the natural joy we take in being with and caring for our spouse. But if you are thinking your attachment to her is too dependent, you now have time to begin thinking about how to fix that.
I'll agree with others that as long as you continue to strive to see the relationship healed, there is no place for involving yourself in situations with members of the opposite sex that could head in the wrong direction.
I found it easy to find male friends who were willing to spend some time out everyonce in awhile. You should be able to as well.
Solidfy the man you are. Recapture the man that your wife fell in love with. Even better, reclaim the good and attractive parts and find out how they have improved with age and experience.
Strive for consistency and integrity. Don't lie to fulfill a "strategy" or do things you wouldn't normally do just to provoke a response.
Keep expressions of your feelings to a minimum, but if the situation arises do not hesitate to speak your heart plainly and simply. Don't embellish, don't allow yourself to tread into what sounds like beggingor pleading.
Also, do not allow your faith to become a club that you use on your wife. Your faith is for you, and it will bring you peace and comfort if you nurture it. But what you've found is for you, and you cannot and should not expect your wife to either appreciate or share it's place in your life.
You love this woman. Well, remember that actions speak louder than words. And remember that actions come in two forms - affirmation and insistence. Affirmation that you love her, that you can heal from these wounds, and that you are committed to rebuilding a healthy marriage. Insistence that your love for her precludes others, and that you cannot be a part of a relationship that is not exclusive.
It's a dificult tightrope to walk, but these at least are some of the things you should consider striving towards.
This could be long and will likely be painful. Expect to be surprised and prepare yourself to handle those surprises. In everything remind yourself to be the man of integrity and consistency.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
