I think it's good that you are able to express yourself here. ((hugs))
Thank you and hugs back to you Sandi, that means so much to me. I'm sad to hear your sister is still suffering; she and your families will be in my thoughts. I hope that the spirit that enabled her to stand up to him those few times will be uncovered again soon.
I was actually raised by a mom who basically taught me that her feelings were more important than mine; that if I needed comfort I should feel guilty because my comfort, my happiness... came at the expense of her pain, her sacrifice; although she was entitled to lay her problems at my feet and vent her anger, cry and ask for my comfort, and advice. I think my mom was deeply in need of help herself, and although as a young person I'd beg her to seek counselling, she never did, claiming that she had 'no problem'.
Now. With that being said please know that I HATE the thought of blaming my mom. She did the very best she could and gave up a lot for us all. And I'm very aware that there's many of us here who would give their eye-teeth to still have a mother, regardless of the nature of the relationship. So it's been a VERY painful and guilt-inducing struggle for me to acknowledge my own pain around my childhood. The thought of actually being angry at someone for doing something they perhaps could not control is very scary. So I think what I wrote and came to today, is an important step for me.
Anyways, it came as a surprise to me, after learning to assert myself and make such big changes in my M, that I wasn't able to make the same changes within my oldest role - that of a daughter. Well, maybe I shouldn't be surprised after all. Maybe those are the most difficult ones to change. Thank you again for your insights and support Sandi. Please have a wonderful thanksgiving this week. FMV.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
FMV.