A month after I found the emails between my wife and OM, my wife sat me down and told me: "A woman is like a bar of soap; the harder you squeeze, the faster she slips through your fingers."
That's some tough love, for sure, but we all know it's true. I see her comment as a blessing though; it brought me to this wonderful place, where I have found outstanding support and guidance through the shared experiences of all of you here. What has surprised me the most, however, is how similar our events unfold and the predictable patterns that follow. I know that I still have a lot to learn, but I've already "Maned Up" and started implementing the DB strategy to my relationship (with noticeable results).
Within days of finding this site, I knew she had to leave the house. Nothing good was coming from her sneaking around, lying about where she was going, who she was with and so on.... One night I calmly asked her if she had considered leaving me? She had, of course, and then I asked where she would go? She considered her options and suggested a small apartment across town that we own, but haven't rented. It's a dump, but I offered to help her paint it and move her stuff. She was gone.
To satisfy my curiosity, I drove by her apartment several times the following weekend (2:00 a.m. 4:00 a.m. 6:00 a.m.), but she didn't come home. I knew at that point that the EA had become a PA. She doesn't know I checked and I haven't done it since. I haven't said anything to her about it, at all. In fact, since she's moved out, we haven't discussed anything uncomfortable. All interaction has been initiated by her and I should get an Oscar for my performance as a happy stable man. Truth be known, I'm a complete wreck.
I keep locking my keys in the car (sometimes while it's still running). My wife has a spare key, but I dare not call her for help for fear of being exposed for the pathetic loser she already knows I am. On average, I lose an hour and a cote-hanger every time it happens. My life sucks, but she will never know it.
It has been a month since she moved out. She keeps finding reasons to come around and she calls me several times a day, for no particular reason. We have simple conversations, nothing heavy, like you would treat a first date: no pressure, well timed compliments, you know the drill. Now for the bad news.
Our marriage counselor thinks we are codependent and suggested that we limit our contact. She might be right. I don't know, but I'm going to have a hard time DBing without contact. Has anybody had any experience with this sort of thing?
