I intend to live forever - so far, so good

[ImprovedRomeo]

CTH, it's so nice to hear you're feeling better about things. For the immediate intents and purposes it's not important why you're feeling this way, just that you are. Try to stay in this frame of mind as long as you possibly can. The more you think about why at this time the more your mind will drift in and out of places you don't need to go right now.

You're right we all want revenge in a small way...but you my friend are the one that reminded me this: "The best revenge is to live well" which also underlines the core message i.e. focus on you, not them. There will be a time when you'll detach enough that you'll be ok with a lot of things you're currently not ok with and that's when you'll also set yourself free. I'm not there yet myself but I've felt and seen the glimpses. At times I even want to just thank her for certain things i.e. giving credit where it's due but I don't do it because I don't want her to take it as a sign that I'm kissing her @ss for some ulterior motive but she did do things I'm thankful to her for. Forgiveness is my ultimate goal when I can truly forgive her (and others that caused me pain) then I'll be free. We're a small speck of molecule in this vast universe, I'd rather live my years happy and loving those who I care about than not.

And stop thinking about death! that's just dark emotional talk! Besides, when I die all I care about is going to heaven- you guys can do what you want- I I won't be here to care one way or another...