Done- I hope that there is some legitimate reason for why my h has acted the way that he has. I want to believe that this is an addiction. When I think about how he has treated me while the affair was going on, and since he found out, with so little respect. If I really think about it, he has been incredibly cruel, but I find that I get caught up in what he says as much as he does. For example all he has to say is that I wasn't happy and she made me happy and I feel myself melting into a puddle of guilt. But I am out of town visiting my parents and have had some distance from the sich and time to think and I realize it doesn't matter if he is not happy. Unhappiness is no reason to cheat on me, lie to me, put me at risk for STD's, put his job at risk, blackmail me into not telling others, tell me just enough of the truth to keep me around as long enough for him to decide to work on it, promising me that it was never a PA, and then when I find out it was, on my own, telling me I'm stupid for not realizing that that is what an affair is.Walking out and getting his own apartment before making sure that we can financially afford it (which we can't). I think I can forgive him for having the affair, I could even forgive him for being angry at me for where our marriage is at and going through withdrawal, but can I forgive him for all the other stuff? Maybe if I believe that it is an addiction I can. Maybe I can't.
