I get reminded again of the horrible mess this is.
It is almost too much to deal with for the first thing
in my day.
Now about the when this gets easier part.
Quote:
STEP 1 – ACCEPT that this is ABOUT HER. I mean really ACCEPT IT. It aint what you did or didn’t do. Yes maybe some of your prior actions contributed to some of the M issues that you had but dude, ya didn’t cause her to hit her crisis. FTR, she did not ask for this either.
This from Eric ^^^^^^^ is what I have to teach my brain each and
every day. Once you get your head around this part, it does get
easier. This is where you get to dump the guilt dump truck right
over the cliff. It ain't you buddy.
This is where you dig deep and have faith that she is
going to go through this journey on her own.
It is also the LET GO LET GOD part of this because as Eric
stated, your W is so out of your control for you to be able to
fix this.
Once you fully accept that 1st step then the next 2 steps
is where you really do get to do something about this for
YOU. Not for her because it won't stick and won't work.
You will do this anyway and find that it won't work but
that is how you learn by mistakes you will make through this.
Since you have been able to convince yourself now that she is
on a journey and you have to let her be, then you can detach
from the drama because you know its all about her.
Detach, but detach with love. (The answer to this I only found
by reading, reading and more reading).
That is the step 2 part.
Since you get that part now and FULLY accept it, You can work
on yourself.
For me, that was READ, READ, and READ, and READ, here and
the books that get suggested throughout what I read here.
That is just me though, because I have a thick skull. But
once I get it, it becomes part of me at least for a little
while and then I read some more and it kind of gets cemented
in a little better. I am going to have to do this for the
rest of my life to get the kind of relationship I want long
term with whomever the woman of my dreams will be. I would
prefer that woman be my W but if she does not look within
to find her happiness is found from within, that option will
not work for me.
Crushed, I hope this helps at least a little.
Everyone will move at their own pace through this.
