I think you can both safely feel with conviction that your sexual experiences with women do not make you oriented to women. So take heart, ladies (and men, if you are out there)--that you know who you are through the cloud of confusion.
One of my best childhood friends is lesbian and one of my best adult friends is gay. They've both taught me well here, and I'll share what they've indicated is the orientation clincher with you.
Each of us is oriented toward one or the other. Sure, we can have experiences with both, but we feel true passion and desire for just one. People can tell me until they are blue in the face that they are bi-sexual, but the fact is this: if given a choice, they WOULD pick one over the other.
My gay friend asked me a question early on in our friendship. He said, "UD, when you were in high school, did you look around the lunchroom and tell yourself that you were in love with your girl friend Shari and long to go out with her in an intimate fashion? Or did you look across the table at Nick--the guy who interested you beyond belief?"
Uh, it was Nick--hands down for me. He told me his plight.
"Well, I felt that way about Nick too. But society told me to imagine myself with Shari. Could you imagine being me?"
I can honestly say that I couldn't. Yes, I might have really been a very close friend of Shari's. And if we had wound up exploring sexually with each other, that would not change things.
So both of you take some time to cherish yourselves (Soup, I love that word). The women you are today are a sum of those experiences and they do not define who you really are. The loving and caring women you are is a much more accurate label for you.
This fear is understandable, but not something that should control either one of you any longer. Let it go!
Big bear hugs.
Underdog
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
