Hey Kitti,

Thank you for sharing with us.

I had a 'lesbian' experience with a girlfriend when I was 12 years old.

It's been a source of shame, fear and confusion for me.

I always told myself that if Monkey and I divorced, I'd explore my sexual orientation and see if I would be happier with a woman. Once we separated, I very quickly realized that I truly was only interested in men. Once I was aware that I could actually really go out and search for a woman to date, I realized I really didn't want to. The difference between thinking and doing was huge. And when doing actually became a possibility, I realized that thinking was all I would ever do! Make sense?

I realized that my experience when I was 12 was very confusing and shameful for me and that I had dealt with it by saying that if things didn't work out with my husband, I could always become a lesbian.

I realize this was just an escape fantasy for me. I've put it aside. But what I hadn't been able to put aside was the confusion and fear that I felt.

Reading your posts and the responses has really helped me.

Especially where Underdog said:

Having a lesbian relationship with another woman does not make you a lesbian. You were drawn toward a woman in an intimate fashion because of your past and because of your associations between men and hurt. It was a natural progression to have a sexual relationship with her.

I'm feeling some guilt from this for you. Please, please don't waste another minute of your time feeling guilty for wanting intimacy and a bond with another person and reaching out for it.

We all need caring and touch. Your need was filled by someone who was in a position to offer you both. There is no shame in that, Kitti.

Being a lesbian means that you are programmed to sexual interest in another woman. Does being around women make you feel this way? I'm ASSuming not--the timing was more of an issue than a burning need for a relationship with a woman.


What she says here makes a whole bunch of sense to me. And I believe I can let go of that fear and confusion for my 'exploration' when I was 12.

Thank you for sharing what I could not.

Happy Tears.

Hugs and Love to you, Kitti.

Thank you very much...

Last edited by Phoenix_In_Bloom; 12/17/03 02:29 PM.
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