I also agree than I wouldn't be initiating R talk.
Until OM is "gone", so are you.
I do have some questions for you, though.
Originally Posted By: Ranger
When I discovered her weekend getaway with OM I filed for a D. I felt she betrayed not only myself but the children as well.
You are living apart? How is the custody set up so far? What was her reaction to being served? Did you state that the filing was your refusal to live in an open marriage?
Originally Posted By: Ranger
I look at my kids and don't want them to grow up in a broken home like I did. I've only now with the help of therapy gotten over some of those issues that have been with me since I was a child.
Your experience and therapy will be of invaluable use as your children grow. Are your kids of similar age to you when your folks split? Why did they split?
Originally Posted By: Ranger
I'd still be willing to work on my marriage first because of them and second because I believe we can recapture what we had.
First, consider this. Would you be willing to take her back if she said she would come back :for the children? I would hope not. So you shouldn't have this as your main reason for staying committed to your M
Second, and this is harder, please try to view your current M as "dead and over". Given what has transpired (esp infidelity) there is nothing to recapture.
The conditions and dysfunctions that you BOTH have is what led your M to this position.
Try to change your perspective to "I need to analyze and correct the things that I didn't like about my behaviour in the M so that my next M (and we don't know who that will be yet) will be healthier and happier.
THIS is the best thing you can do for your self, your kids and even your wife.
Holding on to a marriage for anyone elses benefit but your own helps absolutely no one, my friend.
I'll lurk around your thread. There aren't a lot of vets here right now. I'll help where I can.
Not tooting my horn but there is some REALLY good stuff from vets in my threads. I hope you find it as helpful as I have.
