(((((Kitti))))) So sorry I did not get to your post earlier... Honey, you ARE so brave, what a life (and I do think you need to write a BOOK, in addition to your cookbook!)
I think you can, too, like Blair said. And I think you need to find someone to talk to.
Bless you Kitti. Keep being the wonderful woman you are.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.