I think that in their confused MLC mind they probably think that they are being helpful and caring when they tell us how to do the things that they used to take care of in the family.
Would it kill him to say I'll have that battery changed in D's car?...."let me do that for my D"....that would be so nice to hear. If he can't even do that I can certainly take care of it without his "advice".
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
My H freely offers advice on how things should be done. He's so far out of the loop that sometimes his 'advice' doesn't even fit the circumstance.
It never ceases to amaze me, especially when he talks of one of the children learning responsibility. Almost makes me choke coming from him after what he has done. It just goes to show how much fog they're in not to see the irony in that.
We're all in the same boat Mila. The thing we can be thankful for is that we have one thing our MLCer's don't, paddles! Very useful tool to have in negotiating the MLC schitt creek.
Thank you SA - yes it still amazes me too...we were always on the same page in thinking with my H....same views, same standards....you know....and now we don't seem to be even from the same planet....
But on the positive note, after all my ranting yesterday that H is not willing to do anything for D...I receive an email this morning....that he looked into the battery and changing the tires for D's car and talked to our mechanic, got prices and suggested that we together (him & I) take it there to be done and while we wait for it we can have a meeting.
He also spent 3 hours with D yesterday at his place...and that's at least something...D really misses him.
She is also very loyal to both of us a I think she feels trapped in the middle. When she told me yesterday that he asked her to pick him up at the airport, she added..."but mom don't be mad at him, and don't tell him I told you, he will be mad at me"....so sad. I told her that I don't talk to him about what we talk about.
Also the other day she was reading to me an essay she wrote for school and one of the sentences was something like this...."I have great relationships with my friends, but not so great with my family....my parents recently separated"....makes me want to cry.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I just want to comment on that last part about your daughter's essay. I am sure that breaks your heart. But one thing that I think is positive is that she is letting out HER emotions and sharing them. It can only be better in the long run if she is allowing herself to express her sadness as opposed to bottling it up and letting it turn to anger or resentment or depression. I have taught English for many years, and often when people write things like that, it's because they are struggling, and the act of writing it down lets them get some of the weight off. It also opens the door to getting help or having a discussion--with you or with anyone else she encounters who might be able to help her process the problems. It's actually very therapeutic; so even if it is sad to see her in this position, she is doing the very thing she needs to do to get a grip on handling things.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
Antonia - thank you so much for your view....what you say makes so much sense....my D loves to write she even takes creative writing classes...she has an incredible imagination and is able to really open up and draw the reader in because of the depth of emotions that she is able to show. She also recently told me that writing helps her deal with her problems...whens she formulates it in her mind and then puts in on paper it helps her to deal with everything better. Not just our separation, but all of her other teenage issues.
Thank you again for reassuring me that this is a good thing...it means a lot coming from your own experience as a teacher.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Talked to H on the phone, wants to get together to go over the SA. Said that he did read through it and everything is basically OK accept for some "annoying" details...as he put it....hmmmm wondering what's so annoying.
I just laughed and said, "if they are too annoying we can change them"....kind of goodhearted cheerful remark on my part...because it was actually funny the way he said it....
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I am so jealous. My H & I can't even email without starting a fight, much less talk on the phone. He says "Are we going to be able to settle this thing out of court?", and if I start to discuss it, he raises both hands and walks away. What he's really saying is "Are you going to let me bully you into doing what I want?"
Mila, you have come so far from when I first started on the Boards. You sound wonderful, confident, serene. AND, you don't seem to be letting the Holidays get to you. Again, I'm jealous. Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving.
Punkin - don't think that it's easy to keep it civil between us....I am working on it very hard....I stopped commenting on anything he does...just ignoring it, pretending that he is being rational...not making him feel guilty, not letting him provoke me....just being Zen...and coming to vent here.
Just an example....OW's H shared with me that his wife told him that my H told her that he has a better relationship with his D the she has with her mother (meaning me)....in the past the injustice of that statement would hurt so much and I would probably cry for hours...and yes possibly even confront him about saying that. But now....I know that he is delusional, saying it to make himself feel better and look better in front of OW....how desperate....so I just feel sorry for him.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Mila...Just wanted to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Hi Kissak - thank you so much for your wishes....I'm wishing you the same....have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your children
Lets remeber....
Count your blessings instead of your crosses; Count your gains instead of your losses. Count your joys instead of your woes; Count your friends instead of your foes. Count your smiles instead of your tears; Count your courage instead of your fears. Count your full years instead of your lean; Count your kind deeds instead of your mean. Count your health instead of your wealth;
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
