In the process

[newmama]

Good point, IR...if they can survive a divorce then they know they can do it again (this was my exH's second marriage- his first wife left him for another man. Go figure!)

Well I finally talked to my exSIL. At first we made small talk; at the very end of the conversation I found out that she didn't know that our divorce was final. I thought I sent her a text but maybe not. But I asked her how she and her H (whom she remarried after he cheated on her and left her for OW but divorced her[exSIL] promptly) were doing.

My exSIL is religious. SHe said basically, there is not a biblical reason for her to divorce right now but she would if she could. She is exhausted and done with his lack of understanding and actions (it's called REMORSE.The man is NOT remorseful).

He sees her requests to temporarily avoid doing things like avoid going to meat market night clubs (to watch his friend play in a band) as controlling. The went together and she saw several women hitting on him and one pushed her boobs up against him and strutted by, shaking her hips and standing right in front of him. (That would be obnoxious even if your spouse didn't cheat but considering that he did, wow. Very tough to deal with)After that visit, she asked if they could take a break from places like that until they are in a better place in their recovery.

She wants to be able to see his activity on his phone (transparency) and he finds it controlling.

She politely requested that he not go to the wedding of one of his buddies because he dated several of the females attending. He told her she needs to "trust him." But he didn't go.



They haven't had sex in 4 months because he says he had sex with women he didn't love and now he is so ashamed that he did what he did that he can't make love to her. Nope, he is waiting for the feeling of love and intimacy to return before he can have sex with her again. Isn't that also a bit backward?

Ok but this is the worst part. She said when she checked his phone, she saw that all of his sent messages were deleted. She thinks that it's odd and he was, of course, offended that she was "spying" on him.

He says that she needs to stop bringing this up. Now I can't remember when they remarried--was it last year? I need to look through my own posts. But it was before he did any work. I thought he was a grade A jerk before he divorced her due to his very selfish, very narcissistic tendencies and he is now a AAA grade jerk (or whichever is higher than grade A).

He is still seeing a therapist but she has stopped for awhile. His therapist is male chauvanistic so maybe that is why he continues to see him.

SO if my religious exSIL is seriously feeling done with her marriage and seeking divorce [I don't blame her--what a @$$h0le!!!!], I see how getting divorced makes it easier to do it again. Like you see that you can survive, you have lived without the bad stuff that the ex brought along and you liked it, and you might have even met another person. All of that is proof that life after divorce exists so then it makes it less sad and scary and a viable "option"? (for those of you who have been divorced twice or more, let me know if my theory is right)