Just my two cents but I don't think this is a good approach. You're concentrating on the negative. The lies are a symptom of the MLC. The MLC is, in essence, a mental illness. I'm not, IN ANY WAY, saying that what your H is doing is excusable. But realize that the lies are a part of the whole MLC. When I felt the way you did, I remembered that my H was in fact deeply ill. Deeply disturbed. Deeply hurting. Empathy is easier to find that way. It seems that you're seeing small glimpses of his pain every now and again. And it is very very real. My H told me that there were days that he'd wrap himself in his comforter in his apartment and just stare and the ceiling for hours depressed.
I know this advice was for Pie, but I needed to hear it too.
I am having a great deal of trouble with anger. I have been struggling with my own anger and hurt. It has helped me detach, but not necessarily in a good way. I feel anger and apathy for a man I have loved for 14 years.
Maybe thinking of my H as hurting and ill is a way for me to let him go with love instead of resentment.
The trick for me will be not to fall into my normal pattern of giving him a free pass on his behavior because I “understand.”
I am in such an odd place. With so little I can do to change my R with my H, there is still so much I have to do for myself. So much of it is inside though. These 180’s are only seen by me.
